


In Your Head Forever

by Deannie



Series: Women on the Border [9]
Category: Babylon 5
Genre: Community: hc_bingo, F/F, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-08-24
Packaged: 2018-08-10 19:28:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7858144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deannie/pseuds/Deannie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All her life, it had been drummed into her: Do not let them in. Do not let them see. If they find you, you will pay. You will end up like her. Your mother. Trapped in your head forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Your Head Forever

**Author's Note:**

> For the hc_bingo prompt: Isolation. Part of my Women on the Border series

Susan Ivanova stood close enough to the door to feel it brush past her as it closed, creating a barrier between her and everything. The feeling of security, of  _ alone _ , enveloped her and she took a deep breath. Babylon 5 could be overwhelming, even to her. Sometimes, it was better to come home to silence. Even when you weren’t sure you wanted to be alone.

When you were quite sure you didn’t, in fact.

She was being exceedingly stupid.

There was absolutely no reason for her to have spent the evening in that bar, with that woman. She would have been better off finding another— _ any _ other, in point of fact. And yet, here she was, at 0200, coming in from a night of drinking with Talia Winters and wishing she had invited the telepath to join her.

“You are an idiot,” she muttered to herself in Russian. “You are an idiot and your mother would be ashamed.”

She moved from her living area to her bedroom, contemplating a shower before bed. She smelled like vodka and beer and that Horarian “brandy” Londo had had her try earlier in the night. And Talia.

A shower could certainly wait until morning.

The silence gave her space. Alone was better. She should have seen that from the beginning, yes? All her life, it had been drummed into her: Do not let them in. Do not let them see. If they find you, you will pay. You will end up like her. Your mother. Trapped in your head forever.

“I appear to be trapped already, Papa,” she whispered, sliding out of her clothes and reaching for her pajamas. She had never tried to reach another’s mind, save for her mother. She had never been allowed, for fear of what would happen to her.

Even now, second-in-command of the largest space station in the galaxy, she lived in her little mind in fear. Psi-corps was above the government, above all laws. They could come in and sweep her away and no one would be able to stop them, because you could not stop the people who could see every dirty secret inside your head, could you? Theirs was the ultimate leverage.

She sat on the edge of her bed, her cynicism giving way to the memory of how Talia had looked as she laughed at something Garibaldi had said.

She was an idiot.

She lay back, on top of the covers, the feel of her silk pajamas playing against the rough embroidery on her duvet cover.

“Lights,” she told the computer. The room was plunged into darkness and she stared up into it, feeling the station spin with drink more than insufficient gravity. She slid a hand down her side, Talia’s face still in her mind.

Talia was Psi-Corps, she reminded herself, letting her hand slide into her pants, into her panties, to ghost teasingly over her clitoris and down her thigh a bit.

Talia was Psi-Corps and dangerous and beautiful and funny… Susan rubbed herself softly, gently, wanting to forget to be herself and alone and cynical—just for a while. Wanting to forget that she was alone in her room and Talia was not lying beside her, stroking her.

She could let Talia in. Just a little. Where would be the harm?

Her fingers stopped their work suddenly, jarringly, as her pathetic fantasy ripped itself apart.

Do not let them in. Do not let them see. 

Trapped in your head forever.

Susan sighed painfully, removing her hand and sitting up. “Lights,” she called, causing the room to flare into reality around her. Reality was what she needed after all. Logic. 

Talia Winters was Psi-Corps and dangerous.

Susan headed for the shower to clean the night off of her. Again.

Maybe tomorrow, she would not walk into that bar…

* * * * *   
the end


End file.
